


Betrayed?

by Pegship



Series: Castle Episodic [20]
Category: Castle
Genre: Aftermath, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s08e22, F/M, Guilt, Tumblr: castlefanficprompts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-01
Updated: 2017-01-01
Packaged: 2018-09-13 20:39:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9141391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pegship/pseuds/Pegship
Summary: For a prompt on castlefanficprompts: "With all the 8x22 post episode fics, what about a fic with Castle having self-doubts, because he 'betrayed' his wife and family while being interrogated and Beckett assures him, none of it was his fault and everything he did to beat LokSat was selfless and noble."





	

 

* * *

He sat, in the same dark corner where he brooded over his confrontation with Jerry Tyson, and no one came looking for him. The irony is that, while the public saw him as an attention-seeking egotist, in time of crisis he really did retreat into his own head.

Even there, he was facing himself, unable to escape or even turn away from the horror and shame of failure. Not writer's block, this time. Not almost losing Kate to a sniper in a graveyard. Not ruining his relationship with Alexis over her fleeting obsession with Pi. No, this time, he thought, he will never forgive himself. For now, he just had to work through his emotions, so that he can get on with his life, so he could function.

The emotions, and their cause, would haunt him forever.

Of all the stupid things he'd ever done, the stupidest - but most well-meant - was leaving his office to go to the precinct. He should have fought the instinct to find Kate, to make sure that whatever happened they'd face it, fight it, together. He should have known that when it came to the love of his life his heart would always, always win out over his head.

(He also found it ironic that she wouldn't have been at the precinct, having snuck out to meet with the guy who turned out to be their nemesis after all.)

Even so, he had come around to find himself strapped to an unusual table in an ominously bare room, greeted by a man whose expression seemed fixed in complacent pleasantness. It had made Rick's skin crawl to think the man had been lurking about, waiting for Rick to wake up so he could extract the truth from him.

(It wasn't creepy at all when Kate watched him sleep. It was wonderful to wake to the love in her eyes.)

The needle didn't bother him - much - and it could have been tinted saline in the drip, for all he knew. He tried not to respond when Flynn wanted to chat about his life before Kate - he swore he would lie, or deflect, or at the very least keep his mouth firmly shut. He wondered, if it came to that, whether he could bring himself to bite his tongue off.

(He was wondering still.)

The shock of revelation when Mason Wood came into view briefly overcame Rick's resolve, but once Wood mentioned meeting with Kate, he steeled himself for whatever internal battle might come of his interrogation.

Even now he could hardly think about those five minutes of his life without feeling nauseous. There was no battle. As soon as the question was asked, he could no more think of another answer than breathe. It wasn't even like watching someone else; the words came, short and sharp, from his own mouth, even as tears spilled down his cheeks.

Rick dropped his head in his hands, wished he could squeeze hard enough to expel the memory of those minutes.

Quiet footsteps came near, but he didn't look up. He knew who was approaching and he didn't think he could look her in the eye.

(He'd have to bring himself to do it at some point, but right now...not possible.)

"Babe."

Her hand was warm on the back of his neck.

"Rick. Don't do this to yourself. It's not your fault."

All he could do was shake his head, and he heard her sigh and pull out the other chair, coming to sit knee-to-knee in front of him. She took both of his hands in her own and still he wouldn't look up.

"I saw the video, babe."

Shocked, he brought his head up swiftly, staring, and she went on.

"From the interrogation. Vikram hacked into their system as soon as Espo found out where you were taken, and copied the feed. From the moment he found the camera that was recording in that room. I saw it just now - Vikram thought I should see what happened, regardless of what happens now."

(Rick wasn't sure whether to admire Vikram for being a genius, or strangle him for showing that footage to his wife.)

"I don't know what concoction they put in your body, Rick, but anyone watching could tell you were being forced," she said softly. "I knew LokSat was ruthless - I didn't understand why we we hadn't been killed outright before - and I knew that you'd hold out with all your strength if you were tortured, physically or mentally. But they bypassed both those options."

"I swear to you, Kate - "

"I know." Her palm comes up to lie on his cheek, which is wet with tears once more. "I know. I don't know what went through your head, love, but I could see on your face how devastated you felt. I knew you'd blame yourself, for so many things, but especially for what you saw as a betrayal of your family. Of me, of us. So I had to come find you."

She gave him a teary smile and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Just like you came to find me," she said.

(He would always come to find her, no matter what happened to them, or because of them, or between them. Always.)


End file.
